A Mother Reflects on Her Daughter’s Addiction, Part 1
by Cathy Taughenbaugh, Parent Recovery and Life Coach and Founder of Treatment Talk
I clearly remember the day when I discovered that my daughter was using drugs.
I was devastated.
I was also filled with shame and confusion.
My daughter started out life as a typical little girl growing up in a suburban neighborhood on the SF peninsula. She excelled in school especially during her elementary years.
She was a Brownie, a girl scout, played soccer and softball, and performed in theater productions. She had many wonderful friends, a quick wit and fun sense of humor.
It was during middle school that I noticed her grades had started to slip a bit.
The first two years of high school were smooth. She joined the water polo team, as well as the swim team and made some close friends. I felt that I knew her friends’ parents, since most of the girls had grown up together.
During the last two years of high school things started to get a bit rocky. Not dramatically, but we noticed. She kept her curfew, many of her friends remained the same, although there were a few new ones that made me a bit curious and concerned.
Her father and I prodded her onward and encouraged her to do better, monitored her whereabouts, and tried to be on top of all that was going on. Graduation came and went.
She was accepted to college in Colorado and I flew back with her one August morning, sending her off with the hopes and dreams of any parent.
Those hopes and dreams were dashed after her first semester, as she was soon on probation. After the second semester, she needed to attend CSM in order to return in the fall.
But after the dismal fall semester of her sophomore year, college was over. She took a part time job washing dogs. But that soon fell apart as well.
I flew back to see what I could do.
She finally admitted she was addicted to drugs. I should have known, and wondered why I didn’t know.
I know now. I was in denial.
In my next blog post, I will write about our family’s action plan and our journey towards recovery.
If you suspect substance abuse with your child, don’t be in denial, like I was. Take action to help your child avoid going down the path of dependence and addiction.
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Cathy Taughinbaugh is one of three Bay Area moms writing Parent to Parent ~ a blog sharing concerns about substance abuse. Lisa Frederiksen, Author Speaker Consultant and Founder of BreakingTheCycles.com and Shelley Richanbach, Certified Addictions Specialist, Peer Facilitator and Founder of Next Steps for Women, round out the Parent to Parent team. Check back every Wednesday as one of these moms will share their expertise and personal experiences with substance use, abuse, addiction and recovery. And if you find yourself in any one of their stories, consider attending their March 3, 2013, Substance Abuse Workshop for Parents.
Having your child bullied at school would be stressful for any parent and something that should not be taken lightly. You are right to be concerned. Addictions can vary in each individual and some can function while others cannot. You sound typical of many parents that either avoided drugs and alcohol in college or experimented for a short period of time. I was in that situation as well, so it was quite a shock to realize that my daughter could actually become addicted. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Is it possible that what you're calling denial might be better described as you just not having access to all the relevant data? It sounds to me like there may not have been all that many cues for you to pick up on. Anyway, I look forward to reading Part Two soon.
Denial is the first phase of any painful admission.If you want to save your child, you must change her environment. Colorado just legalized marijuana so its no doubt that's why she selected a school in that State. P.E.T. in Action is a great book to help you determine whats really bothering her. She may be in Denial as well. PET helps with active listening and asking the right questions, avoiding telling her what to do. The truth will emerge. If its something she is unable to disclose to you, then books on Denial and Truth should be given to her. Once she deals with the Denial, and faces the Pain, she wont need drugs anymore. Also, an often overlooked aspect is proper nutrition -- Glucose for the brain. Protein and carbs. Sounds to me like you did everything right, and its not your fault. Its just the concept of group dynamics which is very powerful. That's why I am a big fan of homeschooling these days.
it's= a contraction of "it is" as in "It is not your fault." :)
But some parents do not guide their children, don't discipline their child, or have open and honest communication. Thus, at every high school (especially public schools), there is always a "rough" crowd. The kids who skip school, don't do their work, get detention, and do drugs and drink alcohol. These kids exhibiting "bad" behaviors are the ones that parents of children who are good decision makers don't want their children to get involved with. My point is that ALL parents seem to think that they have done everything right and that their child is not one of "those" kids. Some adults just fail at parenting and their kids do drugs and drink, influencing good kids. But these parents think that they did everything right when they didn't, but they can't admit it or they fail to see it.
It's very normal for junior high and high school kids to ditch school, and before you assume there's something wrong with the kid, it's wise to ask whether there's something wrong with the school.
Thanks so much for your support. I agree with you completely!